i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize