i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
