Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
