Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish I only lived at night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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