pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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