Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
