Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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