You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
