my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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