my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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