I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
