he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
