oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
