uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
