Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
