Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Everclear isn't food dammit
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
