He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
