I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize