I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
