I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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