i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
