i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
