Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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