At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
