Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize