one might say we're banned from that church
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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