I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm getting married
To pizza
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
