Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
