Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
