The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
