I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
