I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
