I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
