look no pants
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
