that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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