I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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