As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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