can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
