I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
