Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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