Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
