Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
