I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I came so hard my ears popped.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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