I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
