Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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