I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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