I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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