sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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