I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
