While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
