I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
