my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
