I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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