if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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