i don't like sucking hair
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
