the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
