the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
