I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
