Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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