The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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