We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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