Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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