omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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