dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
