i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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