before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize